battle plans on sale (iniq) wrote in naruto_500,
battle plans on sale

issues (for challenge #56)

title: Issues
rating: r
pairing: none, but hinting at Kakashi/Raido/Genma? XD
notes: Raido POV
warning: I apologize for the injuries the bad humor might inflict.
disclaimer: Naruto belongs to Kishimoto, et al.


Of course Genma would smirk like an idiot about that. "That's really stupid."

Raido rolled his eyes. "That's what phobias are, you idiot. Irrational and stupid."

"It's kinda fun, too," Genma decided and took another swig of his beer. "Y'know, with you being a big bad ninja and all."

"Yeah, hear me laugh. Haha," Raido grumbled and took a swig of his own - to take the edge off.

"No problem, man," Genma said with a determined nod that scared Raido a little. "I'll cure you."


"I said I'll cure you. For the good of Konoha."

Somehow, Raido doubted that. "For your amusement, you mean."

"That, too." At least Genma admitted it.

A moment later, one of Genma's senbon landed on the table.

Raido jerked back. "Fuck, you're serious," he yelled – raised his voice? – and looked at Genma as if he were insane. Which he probably was. Genma had always been a strange cookie.

Genma smirked. "Sure I was. Now touch it." He repeated the words without sound, his lips moving slowly and clearly.

No way. Raido shook his head. "I'm not gonna touch it. It's a needle. It could carry stuff."

"Like what? Bacteria?" Genma shot him a look. "It's not sterile, if that's what you're looking for."

"Dude, you creep. Get this shit away from me," Raido complained and pointed at the needle, still maintaining a healthy distance.

"It's just a fucking needle. You need to get over this."

Raido didn't think so. "You're the senbon specialist. Got nothing to do with me."

"Oh no? What if I need to poke you to stem blood flow? What if I-" Raido knew that part. The Genma-getting-worked-up-over-nothing part, where Genma could go on and on on a tangent that had nothing what so ever to do with reality.

So he held up a hand, interrupting his companion. "I'd rather bleed out, thanksalot."

Genma didn't seem to accept that. "Like I'd let you."

"You'd stick me against my will?" Raido asked. Well, in a life or death situation, he'd probably accept it.

"Sure I would," Genma said and picked the senbon up. "You're not afraid of kunai and they're certainly sharper. Or Gekkou's swords. You're chickening out over a little senbon!"

Raido watched Genma's hand as if hypnotized, making sure the senbon was coming nowhere near him. "A kunai's larger. It can't disappear in you like that. And stay in you. Forever. Undetected. Or poke against internal organs and make you slowly bleed out."

"A senbon can't- well, they can, actually. Hm," Genma said, seemingly thoughtful.

Triumph for Raido. He raised a finger at Genma. "See?"

"I do. You're afraid of senbon penetration. Any daddy issues in your past that I need to get into?"

"Daddy what? Genma, you sick fuck," Raid said and stood up. "You…"

"Creep?" Genma asked with an innocent face.

Raido nodded. Exactly. "Yeah!"

To Raido's satisfaction, Genma seemed to accept that. He stuck the senbon back into his pocket and finished his beer. Then he got up.

"Genma?" Raido asked, suddenly wary. "What are you doing?"

"Nothing. I just… gotta tell Kakashi."

"Kakashi? Why?" The shame, Raido thought. Genma would tell Kakashi. And as soon as Kakashi knew, the whole village would know because the damn gossip couldn't keep a secret to safe his life.

"We need a plan."

"A plan for what?" Raido grew more desperate by the second. Genma and Kakashi, together, with a plan. That was scarier than that one time Asuma had gotten drunk at the karaoke bar and tried to render a love song to… never mind. Raido wasn't going to drag up that bad memory. Well, what he could remember of that night, which wasn't much, but his mind was getting off track, and Genma was already packing up his stuff. He repeated his question. "A plan for what?"

"A plan for getting over your… issues."

For some reason, Raido couldn't think of a reply to that. His mind drew a blank. He squinted, looking at Genma. The other ninja looked so sure of himself and his sanity that Raido thought for a moment that it was him who was the weird one. But no, couldn't be. He only had a scare of senbon. Genma was the twisted fuck who saw the need to prove his months of studying psychology under a torture master.

"You know what?"

"What?" Genma asked, sounding way too enthusiastic.

"You go and tell Kakashi. I'll be waiting for you. And your plan." Like hell he was. He was going to take the first solo mission to Rain Country he could get his hands on.

It was only an hour later when he lay in bed, the whispering of the trees outside his window lulling him to sleep, that he wondered if having Kakashi and Genma giving him a lesson on penetration issues wasn't such a bad idea after all.


Daaamn, I couldn't find a decent pun. ;_; But I wanted to contribute and… yes. Sorry. XD
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